Win tickets to the premiere of “SPREAD”
Vote Now for the final three. Winner gets a pair of Tickets to the movie premiere “Spread” tomorrow night Aug. 4th, 2009. Funniest Story Wins. Voting ends at Midnight.
Final Three for "Spread" Premiere Tickets
- Comment: 14 Matt Farmer (51%, 32 Votes)
- Comment: 10 Richie Masters (46%, 29 Votes)
- Comment: 5 Jennifer Louise (3%, 3 Votes)
Total Voters: 63
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Had a “Hangover” moment? Katy Perry sung it best in, “Waking Up in Vegas” and now we want to hear from you!
Share your funniest Sin City story (in the comment section) and get a chance to win tickets to the world premier of, “Spread” at the Brendan Theatres, Palms Las Vegas on August 5th, 2009.
Keep Reading for Details
Post deadline is August 3rd. The three funniest stories will be featured in a 24 hour poll to allow our readers to decide on the best Sin City shenanigan. Winners will receive contact information to claim their prize.
What’s your story?
The Vegas Eye will be giving away (1) pair of tickets for this giveaway. Contest seats are guaranteed. There is a red carpet, Ashton and Demi, Anne, Margarita and potentially Sebastian Stan will be there, among others. Entrants should be 18+ since it is rated R.
Popularity: 13%
WE SEE YOU!
…THANK-YOU SO MUCH…
(… Don’t Have “HANGOVER” Moments Any More…Have “SENIOR MOMENTS” Now…!!!)
The funniest Vegas story I have is from the only time I visited Sin City as a 14 year old punk. Went as a family with my parents. Stayed at Circus Circus. My bro, 3 years older, took a piss off a stairwell balcony which christened a group of security guards in some kind of meeting. The End.
This funny Vegas story belongs to my father not me because I’ve never been to Las Vegas.
My father and his friend were coming back from somewhere walking towards the back entrance of the hotel where the pool was, and it happened to be very late in the night, their was no one around, so my fathers friend starts telling my dad that he was scared to be walking with all his gold on at that time alone. He was so afraid he might get robbed and my dad said don’t worry your with me nothing will happen to you; I can protect you from anything yet his friend continued to look around really carefully in the dark to make sure nothing happens to them an suddenly he spotted this bleached blonde, snow white scary looking woman in one of the corners of the swimming pool just quiet with a cold stare looking back at him continuously, so he told my dad an my dad looked carefully then says she’s not a real woman…I think she’s a ghost…walk faster, lets go! Hehehehe.
My story was simple yet funny. All the boys flew out to Vegas a one from the Army one from the Navy and the rest of us home in WI. The first thing we wanted to do was get wasted and and hook up “Test our skills” Well the night started great drinking talking about old times and soon we had a large group with woman all around us night was going perfect, so we suggested that a few come back and they were happy to come around. Got back to the hotel had some drinks and we were happy as can be thinking we were all getting lucky, NOT how it went next thing one of the girls goes to the door opens it up and two big dudes walk in and clearly state they want our money and whatever else we have. They left us in our boxers. Needless to say if your going to Vegas be careful who ya take home.
My best story starts at my friends house that’s right off the main strip. We were all drinking and very intoxicated at this point…of course. My friend and I were sitting on opposite ends of a ground hammock and she got up all of the sudden. The hammock immediately flips up as I fell to the ground! We were so drunk, we both started laughing, and she kept apologizing, and we somehow decided to jump into the pool with full clothing on. After we got out we started running through the house in our wet jeans, laughing, mascara running down our faces, and falling all over the tile floor. Until we decided to take off our clothes and hang out in just our shirts. I was so drunk I passed out in the back of her explorer, that happened to be the party mobile to the next house. People came to the car, drank, hung out, back and forth, while i just slept in the back half naked. Finally, I got dropped off at my hotel on the strip, and had to walk through the casino, up to my room, with no pants on, hair messy, and make up smeared all over my face! Not my finest moment, but hey…Vegas happens;)
My 25 yr old son Steve often begins whatever he’s going to say with, “You know the funniest thing?” Last week, we took him to Vegas for his first time there since he was legal to gamble. And we think it’s the funniest thing he hit a slot machine jackpot at Planet Hollywood, on the free slot play money provided when signing up for a players’ card! Yea baby! Thanks Ashton & Demi =) Sure would be great to thank you in person on the red carpet!
I just got back from Vegas a couple days ago. And now I want to hear more good Vegas stories.
2 of my girlfriends and I were at the pool bar at the Stratosphere and this hairdresser that works there and totally looks like Elvis started talking to us and told us about his recent divorce and how he had a gun and was going to kill himself a couple months ago. Erm. We ignored the red flag and Elvis ended up taking us up to the top of the hotel for free and showing us all around. We ended up at Fat Tuesdays and ordered high octane drinks with the extra shot. I decided that we should just chug another shot and asked the bartender guy, “what is this, vodka?” He says yes and hands us each a shot. After we swallow them he says, “AHA! That wasn’t vodka, it was EVERCLEAR. Those drinks have about 6 shots of everclear in them too.” Elvis then came back and tried to molest us. After that it’s a blur.
Is that even legal????
Vegas Hooker Story ..1
So I am in Los Vegas for a bachelor party. Needless to say, we began drinking that day at around noon and left the Crazy Horse II (local strip club) at around 2am. At about 6:00-6:30am, myself and the bachelor (the only ones left awake) are dancing with a bachlorette party at Studio 54 in the MGM. All of a sudden, we notice they are gone. Its time for us to get the hell out of there and pass out. We get on the elevator and as the door is closing, we hear some woman yell “hold the door”. I hold it and two women get on. One is a very large woman about as white as the lead character from the movie “Powder” and the second is a not-skinny black chick wearing a catsuit so tight, you can tell if she has ANY piercings. So the following conversation takes place (please note, neither myself, nor the bachelor think anything other than a casual conversation is taking place.
Alon – (hits button for 11th floor) “what floor are you on ?”
Crack Whores – We are also on 11.
CW – where are you guys from
Alon – Texas. And you ladies ?
CW – We are from California
Alon – Oh. Very nice.
CW – What are you two doing here ?
Alon – oh, this guy (points to bachelor) is getting married (punches bachelor in arm)
Bachelor – bagabagawee (too drunk to make real grown-up words)
-elevator hits floor 11 bachelor and Alon walk down hallway and notice that the ladies are also walking down our hallway. The spokesperson (the black one) takes my arm and the following conversation ensues:
CW – So, its his bachelor party?
Alon – Yup
CW – Why don’t you buy him a blowjob
Alon – gleep
Bachelor – (yelling) NO!!!!!!!!
-bachelor snaps from drunken stupor to 100% alertness, turns and sprints down hallway, running to his door opening it running into the room, and slamming it with enough force to shake the foundation of the entire hotel.
-the two crack whores turn to me and start walking down the hallway towards me. I frantically try to get my key into the lock, but it aint gonna happen. So…
CW – you want a blowjob, boy ?
Alon – er…uh… er… no.
CW (grabs Alon’s hand places it on breast of very fat white CW and says “boy, thats a 44DD, you want some of that, don’t you?”
Alon – er… I er… uh… no
CW – Boy, you alway wanted two girls at once, didn’t you ?
Alon – er… (thinking: yes. But not you) ..er…uh.. I have to go.
CW – boy, who’s in your room ?
Alon – my roommate
CW – I’ll suck his dick too… Another $25.
Alon – er… no..
CW (grabs Alon’s phallus) – oOooOOoO boy, I feel you starting to get hard
Alon (most certainly not getting anywhere near hard) – I got to go
CW rubs crotch, Alon shoves crackwhore, slams door behind him.
Roommate – Dude. Nice job with the chicks. I thought you had gotten two of them. Sounds like you just couldn’t close it.
Alon – Forget about it, they where whores
I love the people watching; it’s such an intense city. We’d meet the most random people. Some guys from Hawaii, one of them had followed his stripper girlfriend out there to try and patch things up, you could see his pain. A closeted homosexual drunk out of his mind, buying me Jager shots and trying to molest me at the Hard Rock. I like girls, but thanks for the shots, bro, I hope you work it out. Mullet hunts. We were wasted and came upon a group of teen girls who were arguing with their Mom chaperone, so I went up to this one girl with a snooty look on her face and said very sternly, “Don’t give your Mom any lip, Tiffany!” They were flummoxed.
So this time, I was in town for Jeffs bachelor party. 16 of us had made it into town from Texas, California, New York, all over. We were ready to party. I see Donald at the airport at 10am. I had a beer in my hand by 10:02: good times. Anyway, we get to Vegas, we drink, we gamble, we drink, we get kicked out of the Balagio, we drink, and at midnightish, 6 of us show up at Rain in the Palm.Well. What do 6 people whove been drinking all day need? A shot. So, I walk up to the bar and order 6 shots for my buddies. While up there, I notice a REALLY hot girl and her rather large friend standing next to me. I say hello to her. She says hi in this really cute exotic accent. Well, I ask where she is from and she says Uruguay. I offer to buy her and her friend a shot. Im nice like that. Anyway, they take their shots, I bring 6 to my remaining non-passed out friends and we hang out for a while.
Well, I go to the restroom and on the way back, I somehow get lost. See, Rain is a big circle and I couldnt find my friends. Well, all of a sudden, I spot Tom talking to the Uruguayan girls. So I walk over and they say that they want to leave. So, the four of us go to club Rio at the Rio where were staying. Well, we are hanging out (me with the hot girl, Tom with the grenade) and Tom wants to go to bed. Im still having fun so I suggest we go back to Rain. Well, the 3 of us get in a Limo and go. This is where it got weird.
Were in the Limo the large girl (grenade) is on my left and the hot girl on my right. All of a sudden, the large girl puts her hand on my leg. The hot girl than puts her hand on my other leg. Im thinking this is pretty damn cool. So, grenade starts kissing my neck. Hot girl starts kissing my ear. Im now thinking best limo ride, EVER. All of a sudden, Grenade grabs my you know um junk. And looks into my eyes and says sweetly in broken English so, we go to your hotel, yes? For us it WEEL be $250 each yes? Im like what?!?!?!? she repeats Yes! For $250 each VEE go to your hotel and make sex. The following occurs:
Me Er.. no.
Grenade Vay not?? You do not have zee money??
Me No, I have Zee money, I just dont want to
Grenade Ok. Its late. Vee do for $150 each. Yes? We go, get room, make sex. $300 for both of us.
Me No!
Grenade Why not?!?!?
Me er. Im religious.
At this point, the conversation ends. Needless to say, its a somewhat uncomfortable Limo ride the remaining 5 minutes that were together not speaking. You know, that whole oh, by the way, were HOOKERS thing can be quite awkward in a social situation. Yeah, who knew?
Anyway, we get back to the Palm and grenade hauls ass. So Im stuck there with the really hot chick. She is just standing there looking at me with that oh I kinda should have mentioned to you that Id planned on having you pay me for sex are we still cool expression. Ive seen it a thousand times. Anyway. I say um what do you want to do now?. She says I want French Toast. Im thinking French Toast. What is that code for??? Drugs??? Hmmm. So I play dumb: You hungry?. Yes. Ok. So we go to eat at the all night place at the Palm. Now, I know what youre thinking, but hear me out:
Ive just spent three hours in the company of a prostitute. Even the nicest French Toast cant cost more than $15. So I figure her time is easily worth $5 an hour. It seems fair to me. So we go there and sit down to eat and as we sit, I swear to god she pretends the last hour never happened. She asks about my family, we talked about Uruguay. It was really nice. Other than that whole offering to have sex with me for money thing, it was an ideal first date. Well, the meal was over and I was ready to go. She asked how I was getting back to the hotel and I told her that Id take a taxi. She offered to give me a ride. Sure, one might think that accepting a ride from a South American Prostitute youve never met is a bad idea, but she had a very honest face. Anyway, she gets her green pickup out of valet, complete with some rope and a shoe in the back yes really and were off to the hotel.
We have more pleasant conversation and as we arrive she writes down her phone number and says listen. I really like you. Id like to see you tomorrow but no business. I just want to hang out. We can go to lunch, hang out by the pool, but I really like you. Im thinking for a second that I could actually hang out with her but through the fog that is alcohol clouding my brain I realize that I can not, in fact hang out with my new hooker friend. I really dont want to introduce my lunchdate to my friends as the girl who offered to double-team me in a limo with her friend for $300. Its just not the same as we met on a plane. Call me old fashioned. Whatever.
So I get back to the hotel. There are 16 of us there, 4 per suite. I stagger into my room and there are bodies all over the place. Somehow, 8 of us were in one room. Yay. Whatever. I find a spot on the floor and roll up my sock and a shirt for a pillow. I then use a nice soft terrycloth towel as my blanket and go to sleep. Anyway, in the morning, we all start stirring. I look over at Tom and say
hey man. Those girls from last night. They were hookers
-Yeah, I know
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN I know ?!?!?!?!
-I mean, I know they were hookers
You didnt fucking think to tell me ?!?!?!?
-Dude, I told you.
no, Tom, you CLEARLY did NOT tell me that they were hookers
-Yeah, sure I did
When, exactly, did you fucking mention to me that the two girls were hookers, Tom ?!?!?
-Before we went to the Rio. I said Hey, man. Want to go to the Rio with these two whores
Tom!! I listen to Hip-Hop!! You might as well have said hoes or bitches You have to clearly say W-H-O-R-E-S or P-R-O-S-T-I-T-U-T-E-S.
-Oh yeah I thought you might not have understood. My bad.
yeah your bad. I need a beer
First story: Brother and I go to Vegas for a vacation. He’s straight as an arrow but loves musicals. As do I. So he starts drinking some horrible drink that includes Baileys. I suggest that it’s not a wise idea. He can’t hold his booze. We’re at a piano bar. He keeps making requests and all the “boys” are coming on to him. I’m getting more amused by the minute. We’re there about four hours. Drinking and listening to show tunes. I notice a strange look on his face. He asks the pianist if he knows “Okla” and then he homaed all over the piano. Started a barf fest. It was spectacular.
The sporadic turn-around trips tend to make for the most interesting stories in my experience.
My friend Marcus and I decided one afternoon that Vegas would be the only cure for our current boredom, so BAM, we hit the road……
We get into town, both of us giddy and dancing in our seats (you do it too, don’t lie) as one of us asks the other, “what hotel do you think has the fanciest bathroom? Because I gotta shit, and I want the most royal stall” (won’t say which of us)
So after leaving the Bellagio for a quick poop stop and a couple of coronas, we drive to New York New York, drinking all the way there. This was just after 9/11, so they had a guard checking random cars. Uh oh…..
Nice, scott free!
Approximately 4 hours later, and where are we? Close to hitting Baker, me driving my friend’s Chevy Blazer as he’s puking out the window all over the side of his car….both of us plastered, depressed, broke, and hungry.
Del Taco, he were come.
Thankgiving weekend 2007: First time in Vegas. I am a huge sports fan. Huge. I watch football all the time and thought hell, lets go to Vegas and try some theories. Stayed at the Stratosphere because it was a cheap last minute option. Long story short, I put $800 on 2 parlays and won $7,600.
Christmas weekend 2007: 2nd time in Vegas. Excalibur. I was there 2 days. $200 on a parlay. College basketball was the source of my winnings: $800.
Mid January 2008: 3rd time in Vegas. Imperial Palace. The only hotel in Vegas that closely resembles a dumpster. I was betting on college basketball again. 4 team parlay that played 11 to 1. I bet $400. I was doing Vegas things earlier in the day and when I got back, 3 of the games went in my favor. The 4th game started. This was during the NFL playoffs mind you, so here I was cheering for my specific team to win and everyone else is watching the Giants. That team needed to win by 21 or more for me to win. In the 2nd half, that 21 point spread looked dubious and I crumpled up the ticket. They later extended the lead to 20 late in the game and I got scared that they wouldn’t accept the ticket. They eventually won by 23 and I pocketed $4,000.
I recently moved back to Las Vegas in May after graduating college and had been spending the first two weeks back catching up with former UNLV friends and reaquainting myself with the Vegas nightlife. One of my first nights out was for the Vegas Magazine Anniversary party at Pure, which I got on their guest list at last minute, and what a crazy night it was…. I told my friend Eric to meet me a Caesars after work and we would go out but failed to tell him where we were going. Well in my absense from Vegas it appears my friends grew some infatuation with making fun of “guidos” and Eric had decided to color his hair with some black spray and spike it straight back while wearing a tight fit button up and thick stunner shades to surprise me at Caesars… Much more to his surprse when i told him where we were headed cause he looked like a tool. Not to pass on free drinks and a chance to check out Holly Madison and Heather Grahams ample assets in person we went dispute his douchey appearance. These parties are always crowded and packed causing it to be really hot inside. Well heat causes sweating, moreso when dancing, and we were starting to feel the effects of overpopulation in the club. About three beers in I had begun a conversation with two girls I knew that work for Grey Goose and Vegas Weekly when I looked at Eric and realized that he was sweating from the heat but it wasn’t any normal sweat. No..he was oozing black streaks of paint from his forehead and staining his shirt in the process… The “hair paint” was flowing like an oil spill upon his forehead. I started laughing and told him what was happening as he rushed to bathroom to clean up. I explained to the girl I was talking to why he looked like an albino guido tool and they laughed but it was a complete cock block and we left the party shorty. Not to give up on our night we went to my place and he changed and we met up with some friends for a graduation party at a Venetian suite. We had six friends here so figured it would be a decent party… Until we got there. Turns out it was a graduation party.. A high school graduation party. Being college graduates in our post mid twenties we were slightly out of place here. Regardless after a half hour security had a noise complaint and a majority of the minors fled the party to do whatever minors do in this city. With minors gone we took over the room and played some drinking games until anothr friend, “Yoshi” decided to give a 14 yearold some Jack Daniels. The kid threw up over the balcony shortly later as we continued with beer pong.. A little later I noticed an Eminem wannabe looking kid “eye Fu€king” us and my buddy L-Roy approached him if he had a problem. Turns out the kid was his brother and he was pissed that we gave him alcohol.. They argued for a minute and suddenly Vanilla Doche pulled a pistol from his crotch and threatned LRoy. Being the quick thinker I rush to gather the troops only to find Mark in the bathroom with a girl and Ernest on the balcony with some girl behind a bush on her knees… We immedietly rush back inside and things settled down after some convincing and we bailed… Now that was strike two for parties that night.. Still early we hit up Planet Hollywood to gamble and drink more. At nights end it was around 3:00 and we were st Heart Bar when I noticed two attractve girls sitting across the bar. By now most of our group had went home so me, L-Roy, and “EB” remained. On our way out we walked by the two girls and after walking by, one of them got up and started to follow us until we saw her. We decided to turn around and talk to the girls. The girls were named Kia and Stacy and Stacy the blonde was all about EB cause she thought he looked like Dwayne Wade.. The girls gave the guys their numbers and headed home so we did he same. On the way home I realizes that the girls were whores and essentially that was strike three for the night… Once home I immedietly crashed on the couch only to awake at eight in the morning to the sound od Halo 3 on Xbox…. I sat up and to my surprise was Stacy playing Halo with EB… He called her when home and she had been there for a few hours. After talking to her I was right she was a professional and she was really open about it. Our next convo for about an hour was quite interesting and the girl hung out at most of he day watching tv and xbox… Only in Vegas… In one night I partied at Pure with celebs as my friend looked like a douchy cock block, unknowingly hit up a “graduation party” for some high school girl and had a gun pulled on a friend, and then ended the night meeting hookers and waking up next to one playing Halo with my friends! I couldn’t have asked for a weirder night. Welcome back to Vegas indeed!!
Anyone know what the status is on this contest? I thought it was over last night but havent heard anything regarding a winner or tickets?!?….